what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The Olympian is in my bed
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
