i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
