So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
