I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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