I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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