The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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