The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
