When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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