She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
