so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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