I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Bring me that man meat
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