Where did you get a picture of my penis
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
