i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
