I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Omg I joined a choir last night...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
