We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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