at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
