Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
