dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
