so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
