Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
