piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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