Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
