Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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