You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
