there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
