i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
