i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
