It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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