And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
