I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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