her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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