I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
