And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
