the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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