god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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