i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
whose parrot is this?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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