I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
