my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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