True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
