He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
