we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
