before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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