I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
