everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
