smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
