Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
