one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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