Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
