I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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