I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
