I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
