I don't usually arrange sex via text message
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
