I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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