if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
