dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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