There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
