Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I need to calm my uterus...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
