i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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