I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
