So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
