a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
