operation harelip BJ is a go
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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