WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
