We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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