I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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