I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
