just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
