he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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