i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
