he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
did i just pee glitter
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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