i barfeds in our rink
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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