if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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