Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Randomize
