My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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